haiz here i am again... fking exams screwed up... 18 for L1R5.. some of u might say that better than u who got 20+... wish my mum will say that.. first thing she said was why so bad.. when she see my eng got A2 its like as if she saw nothing... like as if it was expected.. then my sis is another bastard... guess wad she thinks that my art is so easy to do.. "why dun u do a few and show the process of how u get to ur final idea? then demolish and remake again .... " blah blah blah fk u bitch u say u do clay before then u should know that it dries up in 2 weeks or so EVEN if u put water.. u say i'm looking down on u a ITE student and NT student... u probably dun noe wad i say to my frens also... i thought that ITE jiu ITE la big deal meh... fine lor u say i look down on u so be it.. say i talk to u all like as if i am way better than u all... thats probably wad i think now... cb guess wad my mum said when she saw my form tutor wrote "Desmond is to be commended for the efforts he has made to improve his English Language grade." she actually said i deproved... WTF... my sis is probably the ULTIMATE backstabber around... i give her comments on her work when she ask me to... and she can come and say i look down on her.. dam smart sia.. i know i always say that i wun help u anymore blah blah blah in the end still have to help u... from now on i shall just try to NOT help u... sounds nice doesn't it? i get good grades u say i am proud arrogant and all... i get bad grades u say i am getting my retribution for being so proud blah blah blah... FINE u tell me wad u wan get good also cannot get bad also cannot so wad u wan u tell me? i noe i din do well.... but i dun show it... u expect me to cry or something? even the teachers said theres no use crying over spilled milk...
u onli see my bad points... u come in the room and say why are u still playing? when i actually studied already... u dun seem to see it do u?
zzz... tmr still got art... clay again... u noe i did till my back pain...? u noe that i dun wan to screw it up cuz its going to be placed in the staff room...?
i hate u for making me choose robotics for my cca... i hate u for not letting me join band... i hate u for moving down to ah ma house... i hate u for so many things... but guess what... u are still my mum... u said.... u noe that i am still hating u... are u telling me that im the onli child who is doing that?
Sister not like sister... cant take care of the family cant help ur mum.. everyday make her angry... everyday say u have to give in to us... everyday say u wan to buy this buy that... u are a OLDER sibling for a reason...
u noe that when u couldnt go into nanyang poly... i din even say that u were useless... i told u to try and try harder... i noe u were disappointed... i think that u leaving ur project to the last minute was a big mistake... but i din say that i look down on u... i helped u with ur drawing... i gave comments when u wanted me to... why isit that... YOU CANT DO THE SAME?
no one encourages me... i dun even noe the purpose of my life... i dunno wad i am studying for... no one's guiding me... i have to save up my money so that when theres a shortage of money i can help out my mum... when i do that i sacrificed the money that i could use to buy other things for myself... u might think i am being very arrogant and proud that i can save up my money... but do u noe why i am doing it? i am scared that one day we will have no more money... it might sound stupid but its true... and u can spend money and take money like as if u were drinking water...
most of the days are spent trying to find out what i am supposed to do... well i just hope things wun get any worse... Chinese O level is coming... i had been so confident of my chinese in the past... like as if it was a confirm A1... now i look at my marks... its not wad its supposed to be...
June holi not like holi... i noe of ppl worse than me... i just hope everything will go well... i hope... my sister can be more sensible more responsible... my mum can be more understanding... my father to be there for me...
well i guess if u say that i am proud... i can onli say i am a guy with a pride that tells myself i can't lose to u and sometimes i compare u all to my friends' families... i am sorry for what i have done that made u angry.. i will change... i hope...
LOL i just killed a cockroache.... i think it was out of anger though... i wacked it dam hard like as if i was venting my anger on it... bad timing cockroache....
haiz i go slp le feeling much better now i think its thx to the cockroache.... haha
all messed up;
10:59 PM
Saturday, May 5, 2007
REGRETS 1. having such a screwed up sis (sometimes good, sometimes bad and super de not like an elder sister.) 2. that my grandfathers passed away when i was so young and stupid... 3. that im not the older sibling and being so weak... 4. for being such a fool.. 5. dropping higher chinese...
GREAT THINGS THAT HAPPENED 1. i got 2 nice cousins!! always play with me de vickie and viceroy thx alot
all messed up;
7:03 PM
hate the fking exams man... and here my mum is going nuts abt my tuition.. she keeps saying how i ignored her when she asked me a qn abt the tuition.. and why i am not getting a chem tuition when i am failing.. i told her i dun wan to have a fail in my O lvs.. so she infers that i am supposed to have a tuition since the start of the yr.. when i couldnt find any fking suitable one.. nvm soon i will join my fren in her chem tuition.. my cousin has been quite busy lately so he cant teach me maths.. so i got my other fren to intro me his tuition.. well i got to try it before i know if its ok for me and here she goes crazy saying that ur phy how then ur cousin how this how that how fk la.. i noe the maths that my fren intro me clashes with my phy but i got to see if its good than mayb adjust the timing abit so i can make it for both.. and she expects me to have an answer now wth la.. she says she know i blame her for alot of things.. of cuz la.. wth wun.. sec4 le suddenly want to move down to our grandma house to stay.. i din want it but thats before i knew the reason why.. she said she didnt want to have any regrets in case her mum moves on(touchwood la) so i cant really say anything la.. i mean like anyone would do that.. but i hate it when she doesnt tell us whats happening and thinks that everything would go as she plans..
they are still treating me as a child lol wadever... too bad for them.. if they dun dare to trust me... their problem la...
i have too much regrets in my life.. but what to do.. its over... i have been thinking.. maybe im just scared.. dont dare to do anything that really crazy or wadsoever..
crap im hungry.... and still got 2 days of testzzzzzzzzzz... nvmnvm... lets go find food...
